IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN LAST NIGHT'S SERIES FINALE OF LOST, DON'T READ THIS POST.

As I sat down to watch the series finale of Lost, I had mixed feelings. I've been faithfully watching this show for six years. Through mindblowingly awesome times, and some not so much (I'm no quitter), I have loved this show with my whole heart. It's sad to see it end.

Some say there are two types of Lost fans. The first type watches for the mysteries of the show. They love the puzzles and questions that have been characteristic of the series from the first episode, and spend their time theorizing and guessing at the meaning of the Island, its inhabitants, and everything in between. The second type watches for the relationships. They care more about the people on the Island than the mystery of the Island itself. Neither is better than the other, they're just different. Personally, I'm a mixture of both.

When I began watching the show, I was the first type. I cared about the people, but mostly in the context of what the Island was doing and how it effected them. I would even argue that the Island was a character in itself. I theorized and wondered and, like many others, watched the show to get answers. But somewhere along the way, I started to care deeply about the characters. I loved Boone (I know, but he's just so pretty), Jack, Sawyer, Kate, Sayid, Mr. Eko, Hurley, all of them (except Ana Lucia, I second Jimmy Kimmel in thanking Harold Perrineau, a.k.a. Michael, for killing her in Season 2). Eventually, I even came around about Juliet.

Which is why this finale was particularly puzzling for me. The type 2 fan in me was satisfied that everyone was together and happy again, bittersweet as it was (come on, they DID all die in the end, how is that not sad). The type 1 fan felt cheated. I still have questions, and while I realize that some don't need to be answered, some do. Most notably, about the final scene of the plane wreckage on the beach. Initially, I took that to mean that they all died in the plane crash in the first episode, and I felt outraged, hurt, and a host of other feelings that I couldn't put into words. I didn't cry the entire episode (tearing up doesn't count), but when I saw that wreckage, the tears came in full force. I realize now that it could've just been the wreckage as it stood when the show ended (after all, even if the castaways wanted to clear it, they'd have no where to put it), but still, it's how I saw it. Then came the questions. Did I really just waste six years of my life following a show in which all of the characters died in the first episode? But then what about Juliet, Ben, and Desmond? They weren't on Oceanic 815. Yes, Desmond could've died when his boat crashed, bringing him to the island, but that still doesn't explain Ben, Juliet, and the rest of the Dharma Initiative who apparently came by boat or submarine. And am I the only one who remembers the producers saying that the island WASN'T purgatory?! Until the very end, I clung to that fact and was comforted by it. That being said, maybe sideways-world was purgatory. I can get on board with that theory. At least that way I don't feel like this was all for nothing. Operating under that theory, everyone didn't die in the first episode, and the island was real. And can I just say that I was incredibly happy that Hurley ended up being the protector of the island? And when he asked Ben to be his number 2, I'll admit that I teared up.

I'm proud of the characters and who they've become, and in that I feel good about the end. I just want some sort of reassurance that I didn't waste the past six years of my life watching a show in which every character died in the first episode.

Needless to say, I'm excited to hear what others think of it.

taking chances

So there's this show Glee, perhaps you've heard of it.

If you're friends with me, chances are you have. It's only one of the best shows on TV right now.

On another, somewhat related note, I've recently been having a semi-existential life crisis. I have spent the better part of the last 21 years of my life doing exactly what was expected of me, and one day I woke up and decided I wanted more than that. And while I don't exactly know what that looks like, I'm excited about figuring it out along the way. I know I won't always get things right, but life's about falling down and picking yourself up again, brushing the dirt off of your knees and moving forward.

I'm graduating in less than a month and literally have no idea what I'm doing, and am surprisingly okay with that. For the first time in my life, I don't have a plan. It makes me feel like the sky is the limit.

This brings me back to Glee (I know, this seems erratic). They're having an open casting call, and I've decided to give it a shot. So I made an audition video, uploaded it to myspace (yes, myspace. I know. I haven't been on myspace since high school either), and now it's time to wait and see what happens. If you really love me, you'll go to the website, find me (don't worry, there's a search bar), and give me a gold star. But if you think I suck, please don't tell me. I'd rather not know, and if it's not too much to ask, give me a gold star anyway, just because.

I know that this is a long shot, but it's as my mom says, "it's a long shot for everyone, and someone's going to get it." So here's to me taking a chance. I'm glad I did it.

truly, truly, heaven must feel like this.

The best description I've ever heard for Spring Awakening is that it's about "kids growing up in a world where the grown-ups hold all the cards."

These grown-ups hold their cards particularly close to their chests.

Set in late-nineteenth century Germany, it follows a group of teenagers in their attempts to figure out life despite the fact that their parents and teachers have done everything in their power to keep them in the dark. Needless to say, some handle it better than others. But in the end, it's all tragic.

Despite my usual need for things to end with roses and butterflies, I loved this musical. It was incredible. In fact, my favorite characters were those with the most tragic stories. My heart went to out to Moritz (who was, hands down, my favorite). I hate giving things away for those who haven't had the opportunity to experience something firsthand, so I refuse to write about any major plot points. If you haven't seen it, I think you're missing out. Even if all you can do is watch the pirated videos uploaded on YouTube, it's well worth watching.

I had the opportunity to experience this musical live this past weekend in Dallas. The touring cast for Spring Awakening was, in short, wonderful. I even got to meet one of my celebrity crushes circa ninth grade, Jake Epstein. If you weren't a die-hard Degrassi fan, then you won't know who I'm talking about. He played Craig Manning, who was my favorite character (hence the ensuing crush). But in Spring Awakening, he was playing Melchior, and he did an incredible job. After the show, the cast stood around the lobby accepting donations for Broadway Cares. As I walked up to him with my measly four dollars, I'm not going to lie, I was a little starstruck. I nervously told him that I loved him on Degrassi. He thanked me, looking mildly surprised that I recognized him, seeing as it was a Canadian TV show that he was on over five years ago, and we're in Texas. I felt embarrassed, but in the end I'm glad I had the courage to go talk to him. I would have regretted it otherwise.

And here begins phase one of my obsession with Spring Awakening. No judgement.

T minus 10, 9, 8...

(410): Far right against the wall...hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha

I've decided that my last two months college will go like this. Although I have no idea where I'll be in two months, I do know this: it won't be here. And because my days are numbered, I've decided to enjoy the time I have left. It's time to freely live life with the people around me, to be silly without worrying too much about what the future holds.

Don't get me wrong, I'll do what I need to do. I'll be responsible, but I think it's time for me to stop taking life so seriously. At least for now.

sorry about my silence...

I had an Audit test, sue me. Not that that's really any excuse...I have an unreal amount of time on my hands. Essentially, I have a schedule that most college students only dream about. I just procrastinated for my test, so I was swamped. What else is new?

With this extra time, I've had the opportunity to read new books! I'm really excited about that, especially because the books I've been reading are incredible.

Let me start by saying that I don't typically read Christian books, and this was the first time I had read Christian fiction. To be honest, I really didn't know what to expect. But one of my best friends adamantly recommended it, and although we sometimes have differing tastes, I trusted her enough to give it a chance.

I'm so glad I did. The books are part of a series, three in all. Set in the first century in the aftermath of the Roman conquest that conquered Jerusalem, they follow a young Jewish girl named Hadassah and a German warrior named Atretes.

My goal for this post is to not ruin any major plot points for people who haven't read these books yet. I will say, however, that watching Hadassah cling to her faith in the Lord in the face of unspeakable tragedy is incredible to say the least. Taken prisoner when Jerusalem fell, she watched her entire family die and was then sold into slavery upon her arrival in Rome. Atretes, on the other hand, belonged to a tribe of natives in Germany and was captured while Rome was attempting to conquer their lands. He was then sent to the arena where he fought as a gladiator. That's the basic premise of the books, and I don't want to go beyond that.

As I was nearing the end of the second book in the series a few nights ago, I was on the edge of my seat trying to predict what was going to happen to one of the characters. Then it dawned on me. These books don't have to follow the rules. Being the kind of girl who usually sticks to the historical fiction genre, it's a general rule of thumb that love conquers all, everything works out in the end, and although I may not be able to see how that will happen, I can trust in the fact that it probably will. Those are the rules, and I like happy endings. But in this series, it's God's will that wins out in the end, whether that makes for a happy ending or not. That being said, I was literally at a loss as far as predicting the outcome of this book. I also knew that there was a third book of which I knew nothing about, and that didn't exactly help as I anticipated every possibility. Needless to say, I finished the book quickly, and can't wait to begin the third.

So everyone should read these, because they're some of the best books I've read in a while. These are the kind of books that you can't put down, with characters that you love until the very last page.

i'm young, and i love to be young. i'm free, and i love to be free

As I sat down to write this post, I realized, rather belatedly, what day it was. Of course, I realized it was Sunday (I'm not that dense), but today isnt just any Sunday. It's Valentine's Day.

While I know it's somewhat expected of me to whine about the bleak outlook I have on my love life, I'm not doing that. Not today. And not any other day. I'm actually content, even thankful, for the way my life is going. Sure I have my moments of self-doubt, but I'm young and still learning. As I said before, I'm a work in progress.

Some cynically dub this Hallmark holiday "Singles Awareness Day." In truth, I've always been annoyed by the nickname. Valentine's Day is nice for those with a special someone to share it with and I won't discredit the holiday simply because I'm single.

On a side note, as I sat on the floor by the bookshelf to choose a movie on this lazy Sunday of mine, I stared at the choices in front of me. Ironically, I chose the First Wives Club. For those who haven't seen it, this '90s era movie is about a group of women seeking revenge on their ex-husbands. Each of the sad excuses for men had, in one way or another, left their wives for younger women. I must say, this movie was nice pick for today. In the end, the three "first wives" learn to lean on each other rather than relying on men to make them happy. They rediscover their friendship as they achieve independence.

So I'm taking today to celebrate, rather than regret, the fact that I'm single. Valentine's Day is about love, and there are plenty of people in my life that fit that description. I'm choosing to celebrate them, and celebrate life.

something new

So I've decided to try new things. This blog being one of them, it may not be much to look at right now.

Call it a work in progress, kind of like me.

Earlier today someone asked me what my blog would be about. I've decided that it'll be about whatever I want. It'll be me, in my own words.

I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of excited.