IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN LAST NIGHT'S SERIES FINALE OF LOST, DON'T READ THIS POST.

As I sat down to watch the series finale of Lost, I had mixed feelings. I've been faithfully watching this show for six years. Through mindblowingly awesome times, and some not so much (I'm no quitter), I have loved this show with my whole heart. It's sad to see it end.

Some say there are two types of Lost fans. The first type watches for the mysteries of the show. They love the puzzles and questions that have been characteristic of the series from the first episode, and spend their time theorizing and guessing at the meaning of the Island, its inhabitants, and everything in between. The second type watches for the relationships. They care more about the people on the Island than the mystery of the Island itself. Neither is better than the other, they're just different. Personally, I'm a mixture of both.

When I began watching the show, I was the first type. I cared about the people, but mostly in the context of what the Island was doing and how it effected them. I would even argue that the Island was a character in itself. I theorized and wondered and, like many others, watched the show to get answers. But somewhere along the way, I started to care deeply about the characters. I loved Boone (I know, but he's just so pretty), Jack, Sawyer, Kate, Sayid, Mr. Eko, Hurley, all of them (except Ana Lucia, I second Jimmy Kimmel in thanking Harold Perrineau, a.k.a. Michael, for killing her in Season 2). Eventually, I even came around about Juliet.

Which is why this finale was particularly puzzling for me. The type 2 fan in me was satisfied that everyone was together and happy again, bittersweet as it was (come on, they DID all die in the end, how is that not sad). The type 1 fan felt cheated. I still have questions, and while I realize that some don't need to be answered, some do. Most notably, about the final scene of the plane wreckage on the beach. Initially, I took that to mean that they all died in the plane crash in the first episode, and I felt outraged, hurt, and a host of other feelings that I couldn't put into words. I didn't cry the entire episode (tearing up doesn't count), but when I saw that wreckage, the tears came in full force. I realize now that it could've just been the wreckage as it stood when the show ended (after all, even if the castaways wanted to clear it, they'd have no where to put it), but still, it's how I saw it. Then came the questions. Did I really just waste six years of my life following a show in which all of the characters died in the first episode? But then what about Juliet, Ben, and Desmond? They weren't on Oceanic 815. Yes, Desmond could've died when his boat crashed, bringing him to the island, but that still doesn't explain Ben, Juliet, and the rest of the Dharma Initiative who apparently came by boat or submarine. And am I the only one who remembers the producers saying that the island WASN'T purgatory?! Until the very end, I clung to that fact and was comforted by it. That being said, maybe sideways-world was purgatory. I can get on board with that theory. At least that way I don't feel like this was all for nothing. Operating under that theory, everyone didn't die in the first episode, and the island was real. And can I just say that I was incredibly happy that Hurley ended up being the protector of the island? And when he asked Ben to be his number 2, I'll admit that I teared up.

I'm proud of the characters and who they've become, and in that I feel good about the end. I just want some sort of reassurance that I didn't waste the past six years of my life watching a show in which every character died in the first episode.

Needless to say, I'm excited to hear what others think of it.